Quarantine Reflections

One Om gave me permission to experience the metaphysical, my mind, and the physical, my body, together as One. They hold space for me to investigate my preconceived notions of the world. Through applications of love, food, music, and curiosity to draw out misnomers and implant greater intellectual values and compassion.

This is just one experience: I Pull up to Cheshire lane, I am greeted by a Princess, nuzzling love into my leg as I open the door. Inside Mothering love welcomes me in, I see you Peach the mirror for needing connection warmth, and safety. Kai a soft reflective majestic energy, setting boundaries of introversion. I see your strength!

I turn the corner to see the matriarch Anne, standing in the window, soft beautiful, She welcomes me in and asked how I'm doing? I reply “awesome!” And I ask, “how should I be feeling”? She replies “AWESOME” and we embrace. She directs me to follow the chanting to find Bryan. I break out into Beastie boys rhymes from The Scenario calling in the esoteric environment. Walk into the room calm and quiet, laughing at the play on words.

What a funny concept, a play on words, not quite reality, an inferred cosmic joke.

We sit and Bryan asks how my book is coming. I speak of the clarity of the booking flow from the evolution of how we currently know and experience the world. Each chapter investigates concepts about the hierarchy of needs, safety, money, love, consumerism, health, disease, new concepts, and choice. The reader may experience homeostasis from which to review previous belief constructs from the depths of the unconscious mind and environment. A call for our elevated intellectual self to drive down waste and expenditures of our current health care model, and not our previously emotionally conditioned self consumerism. A community in the end creates a collaboration effort to support the health needs of the individual and the masses.

In reflection the reader will enter the individualized state being rooted in love, moving out of the individual ego identity back into the community. Understanding innovative ideas for collaboration and support. Much like the idea of my friends to invest in a previously envisioned future, to mutually create a fun place to connect. Potentially providing additional income vs expense to reconnect. Families collaborate to make the vision thrive.

We sat in the revelry of the joy created in Bryan witnessing my clarity of cause. We stare at each other honoring the vision and experiencing its “realness” with all our collective senses. He asks me what my intention is then for the day. I respond with gratitude for the pleasantness of having an extra day since I thought it was Saturday. Gratitude, thanks, and appreciation for the opportunity.

I reflect on my wife’s history, having felt and experienced isolation as a child in her room. I feel my own isolation today with quarantine, popping up vivid memories of my youth, alone in my room. I spoke of my 10-year-old self and Bryan pressed on meditating on that age as I had mentioned it several times. I remembered as a child getting off the school bus feeling this overwhelming heaviness as I made my walk home. A slow pace, looking at my hands and arms, feeling my head and my heart swollen and full with intense pressure and weightiness. I walk into my house to find my mother and sister crying in the living room, looking at a small golden heart and hugging. I remember feeling scared, and confused, witnessing crying and grief.

I was sent to my room with my feelings of heaviness. I remember thinking about how I made my way home, and confusion and fear as I witnessed. Unknown emotions from 2 women I love, ultimately to be “made” to isolate. Later I found out my sister had a miscarriage.

I mirror my wife’s feelings, grief, fear, and confusion fill me. Tears flow from my eyes as I think about my 16-year-old self, being thrust into a football game (outside linebacker). The first play is a sweep option, I recognize it immediately, take on the pulling guard, shed the fullback, and stop the quarterback for a loss. The hit was so great I blacked out to a vision of my grandfather smiling at me. I come to, pained, confused, as my coach stops me from coming off the field to celebrate with extreme enthusiasm. I feel fear, confusion, and heavy. After the game I found out, my grandfather had passed.

Several months ago my other grandfather passed and my sense of grief, although present, was distant. Confused, fearful of the impact on my family, mostly unsure of how I felt. Yesterday while conversing with my wife and neighbors, we were talking about riding horses bareback. My mind currently drifts to my 4-year-old self playing horsy on my grandfather's back. A stoic man, who likes to drink and say smart-ass remarks. I grieve that boy who had a connection with my temporary centaur. Tears stream down my face. Bryans strums on his guitar as we silently process the grief, fear, and confusion.

I come back to the present moment. The connections of this new consciousness come from a book that I'm reading which made me watch a movie (The Big Chill), that I rented with my wife. Which I reflected on high school friendships and the development of personalities. Separated by adult life to be brought together through death. Concerns over our investment to ask my friends for support in creating something we dreamed about as teenagers. The book was referred by a connection I had been working with for several months, whom I met at a Manifestation circle that Bryan and Anne created. I met OneOm through my wife, who expanded her search for love on a dating app to find me. To move to Colorado encouraged me to step away from a job that I felt I learned as much as I could. To move to Houston and have the above experience and revelation. I'm honored by the strength of her energy.

The condensed understanding is that the emotional body gets inhibited by the perceived trauma or misunderstood feelings. I honor that part of me that intuitively knew I was walking into a heavy situation as a 10-year-old, at 16 my grandfather had passed, and at 37 my grandfather was not going to survive his recent injuries.

The fear I currently feel is from judgment about my book. I may be looked at as a lesser physician or expert as a Chiropractor, and not considered a medical scientist. I think about all the times I felt something but could not find the words to describe my feelings or ask for help. Permission is key to the emotional freedoms we express. I read the book War of Art which gave me permission to feel fear about marking my mark on the world, and that is typically felt by the very person who ultimately launches themselves into the light. It's safe in here. It's scary “out there”. I can isolate and play safe or I can extricate myself from unconscious inhibitions and live courageously.

Currently with Covoid-19 being isolated and stuck in our “room”. How are you freeing yourself?

My Rogers is quoted as saying “to die is to be human, anything human is mentionable, and anything mentionable is manageable“.

Being human gave me permission to talk about my feelings, specifically my feelings of grief, confusion, and fear. Loving mother energy of peach, independent introversion of kai, bold command of attention of a Princess. To the loving arms of Bryan and Anne Bartell.

Thank you for being a mirror, Bryan, and Anne for creating a community like OneOm! #oneomniverse

If you are moved by the story, please consider seeking out therapies to bridge the gap from your unconscious behaviors.